So the other day at work I was called by my first name for the first time by a customer.  It was odd to hear them say my name.  It sounded forign to me and I almost didn't reconize it.  I just realized that is is weird for me to hear my name when most people say it.  I wish I knew why.  One thing I do know is that I like it when Helen says my name it makes me feel special and loved. It is nice to feel needed.

     So the other day Helen came over to my house before I went to work for the day.  I would say I was being used. :p  Being able to sleep all day and not have to deal with her mom.  But I know thats not the case.  Cuz when I came home for the day diner was waiting for me and some naughty clothing to match.  It was pretty darn good if you ask me.  I had chicken and veggies and potatos.  It was good. I also had some Koala Yummies with lots of milk.  I haven't had those in years.  I remember them well from when I was a child though.  I couldn't find them for years.  But I guess they sell them at the local asian market.  Just another reason to love Helen.  Oh and we got to watch some si-fi so it was a good way to end a day.

    Almost every night I wake up from bad dreams.  I don't think they will ever end. I almost kinda look forward to them because they give me something to do.  But I think I might rest easier if I was with Helen every night. If not at least it might be a bit more tolerable.


Helen's thoughts
So, I recently won a sweepstake hosted by Acen's Khaotic Kouture Fashion Show and LivingLolita! My prizes for winning include the following:
1) 2 FREE Acen 2011 FULL WEEKEND badges!
2) Design my own lolita outfit!
3) Once the lolita outfit I design is finished, I get to wear it and model it at Khaotic Kouture! :D

So I made some sketches. Please give me suggestions!
Left to right: Sailor lolita, Classical lolita, and Kimono(?) lolita
Excuse the crap quality lol. Took it with my camera instead of scanning
So I made 3 simple sketches: sailor, classic, and kimono. Let me explain
  1. Sailor: I love nautical themed dresses, and I still don't own a full sailor outfit yet! I have a sailor hat, but that's about it. I would really love to have this made in navy, and the embellishment on the bottom in gold
  2. Classic: This is my top pick right now, since classic is my favorite style. However, the only thing I'm really unsure about is I want it in yellow (white back ground, yellow flowers in the foreground) to match a pair of shoes I have. Nice fabric with yellow flowers on them has proven to be rather difficult to find though so I'm unsure about this one :/
  3. Kimono: I got the inspiration for this one based on meta's kimono print jsk. I call it kimono because I imagine it being made with kimono fabric, but besides the fact that it'll be made with kimono fabric, it won't have any other real similarities with wa-lolita (no big sleeves, no full-blown obi, etc) This one is actually what I think would be the best out of all of them and still look nice. This one has no color limitation, so long as the fabric is those colorful, fancy kimono fabrics, something like this or this. This one would probably be the simplest to make. I'm imagining something like this dress by GaijinCupcake on dA, only different fabric and a bit less sundress-shape looking. My top color choices for this would be purple kimono fabric with a yellow sash like this one by Magpie Creations. Th
So yea, I'm sending this to the seamstress right now and I'm gonna see what she says. We don't have a lot of time to make these come true, unfortunately, so I'm leaning towards the kimono one the most right now as the fabrics will be a lot easier to find, and putting it together shouldn't be too difficult. 

Dear readers: what are your thoughts on these?

C2E2 photodump?

C2E2 photodump.
your fridge is running!

Tasty candies~

Dunno but it looks cool

A really pretty Rikku :D

Jedi and such

Big poofy dress!

Ghostbuster and Pirate

Ice bat

Gotham's Finest

An older version of Flash, I think?

Vegan Police! These guys were my personal favorites lol

Scary Scarecrow

A really BA Mini-Deadpool

Awesome Ren-folks <3

Another awesome Ren-person

Mario ready to kick some ass

More awesome Ren-folk!

Mr. Doom hard at work

Not sure, lol


Zoey and Hunter

Harlequinn and Joker

Gotham's Badasses

Scott Pilgrim vs the Hunter


I found Waldo!

It's a Star Wars character, right?

Dr. Mahrioooh

I have no idea, can anyone tell me?

Awesome Jack Sparrow!

Female Whiplash who asked me for a hug :)

Silk Specter

District 9

Queen Amedala

A very in-character Napolean

Chuck Norris approved of this post and that's the only reason why it exists.

Helen's thoughts

Fact: there's site full of Chuck Norris facts and they are all, in fact, facts. 

Here are some of my favorites:

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

There are a ton more that I like, but I'm gonna withhold giving them all out at once. No one can take that many Chuck Norris facts at once. They'd be all Chuck'd out. 

How do you like my angry!Knives face?
I'm going to C2E2 this Saturday with people from my school! I'm so excited, it'll be my first comic convention! As you can see I'll be cosplaying as Movie!Knives Chau from Scott Pilgrim vs. the World  I still need to get some black pants and black flats, and I'm waiting for the scarves I ordered to come in so I'll have her scarf too. I still need 2 sword props, I think I have 1 already, and if I can't borrow a matching one form someone else I might borrow a pair of Sais from Alex. I might make the wig just a weeeeee bit shorter still since Knives' hair was pretty short, but then I don't want to ruin it and make it too short either. Decisions decisions :C 

Dear readers: anyone going to C2E2? What will you be dressing up as?

Pardon our dust

Helen's thoughts

Damn I've neglected this blog for a long time, lol. Alex and I have been pretty busy with school/work so we haven't written much lately.
Some recent updates:
Alex and I got into a really down period a few weeks/months back where I wanted to end the relationship. I'm not sure why I was so down, but I think a lot of it had to do with school. I'm still struggling a lot with school and sometimes I get really scared, and the fact that my mom puts a lot of pressure/expectation on me doesn't help. She kept telling me I need to focus on school, and one of the ways to focus more on school is to cut ties with Alex. It was tough trying to juggle Alex, school, and pressure from my mom all at the same time, so it was really getting to me and I took it out on Alex. I began to get really annoyed with everything and I just wanted to withdraw from our relationship.
Alex wouldn't let that happen though. And I'm really glad he didn't because our relationship now is better than ever. I'm not sure exactly what it was that we did, but I just know that I'm glad I didn't go through with the break up and I know now more than ever that Alex loves me. He's patient where I fall short and I'm extremely glad for it.

Last week was my Spring Break! My mom and I took a trip to California. We stayed with a family friend in Laguna Niguel, which was a really nice place. California was almost like going to another country for me. A lot of the houses/buildings are Spanish styled, and due to the high amount of Mexican population there, a lot of the stuff there were in Spanish as well. It was an eye-opening experience for me. California is so mountainous too, it's a nice change of scenery from Illinois' boring plains.
Random thought: I love riding on airplanes! I especially love flying at night. All the lights on the ground look like scattered jewels or stars. I want to collect them all together and throw them into the sky and see where they'll fall on the ground. It's cool to see all the car lights moving at night too. They look like blood cells moving.
This pic was taken in my backyard, not Cali, but I thought I'd share!
Will post pics of Cali in the next post.
Dear readers: share with me a random photo you took recently!


I was thinking the other day.  And I do think often when my hands are idle.  That we are all slaves. Some people are slaves of the mind, others slaves of the flesh.  We are slaves to debt and consumption. 
So many people need to have more and more and more.  We buy stuff and our lives become filled with stuff.  People have even be reduced to this role with social media, people collect "friends" like they are objects too.

I ask the question.  If you love and are loved, if you are happy, why would you look for anything more?  Would that not be enough?

Things will not make you happy, they really wont.  It doesn't mean they wont make life a bit easier its just that if you are not happy now things won't make it any better.

I am a man of ambition.  I want an education and a good job and to go places in life. But I do not do it to better secure the things in my life.  I want, because I want to better secure the people in my life.  With out loved ones we really have nothing.

My goal in life is love and respect. I am afraid that for many people that is not enough.  It is a shame.

I am lucky to love and be loved and I am thankful to have it for however long I do.  If I am lucky til the end of time.  To my darling Helen, may I only be a slave to your heart and nothing else.

Why I Love Helen So Much!

The ideal girl friend is a myth, just like the ideal boy friend.  I mean what guy wouldn't want a supermodel, millionare, freak.  But as great as it might sound it wouldn't be.  After reading Helen's post I would like to agree with it for the most part. :) "Go, go, ego boost!"  But Even if I do those thing I don't do them perfectly.  I just try my best.   Thats all you can do is give everything that you have and let the lord of hosts decide.

There are so many reasons that I love Helen.  Its not just the fact that she is hot and asian, sometimes I think that she thinks thats the reason. But I am here to set the record straight.  One reason that I love Helen so much is her sweetness. When she tells me how good I look or how I make her so happy I just melt. And on top of that when she is sweet is always surprises me.  And I don't mean that in a bad way like it never happens or anything, it is a good kind if surprise.  On top of that Helen has some fight in her and can give me a hard time which just offers even more contrast to her sweetness and makes it sweeter.  OMG I just realized how white I am. :p  I like sweet and sour. AHHHHHH I will never hear the end of it now.

I also love how dorky Helen can be.  We can trade manga, maybe some hentai, or play mmorpgs and it just feels natural.  Just the other night she was telling me about a new manga she was reading and I could just see her face light up and the excitement in her voice.  I rely on Helen for many things in this department.  When ever there is a new manga or game coming out she sends me a link or makes me try playing it.  I think she knows me pretty well because most of the stuff she picks or thinks that I might like, I end up liking. :)

One weird thing about me is that I am a very hard worker and stick to plans that I make but when it come to little every day things I let them slide.  I guess If I don't see the end goal or I am not sure what I want to do with something then I kinda just stare at it.  Helen makes me think about things and where I want to go in the future.  Helen has a goal and is working twards it and that is very attractive.  It gives me something to aspire towards and makes me want to be a better person. Or at the very least to not be a dead beat and have her leave me for someone better. :p

Another thing that I love about Helen is the fact that she takes care of her self the best she can.  One of my friends, who is married, once told me a story.  His wife and him were talking about some mater or another and were fighting and he ended up telling his wife, "If you don't care and respect yourself then how can you expect others to do the same."  We are both still young and have a lot do learn but I think Helen does her best and makes smart choices because of it.

And the most important reason that I love Helen is because she is more forgetful then I am. :P  Like all the time she will forget our aniversary  or other things along those lines so I can never get in trouble for anything except not reminding her lol.

I really do love Helen so much but we still have a lot to work on.  I can be very dificult to understand and my world views are next to impossible to understand.  Some times she thinks that I am a downer. And maybe I am. But I don't mean to be. I am a very hapy person but sometimes I think it is misunderstood. I just don't see many things as bad or negative. I also don't get very angry or upset most of the time just because whats the point. Its just a thats how life is sorta thing.  Another thing is that I can be "untrustworthy" I am good to my word.  If I say something I do it.  Its just that I don't trust others.  But I do trust others only to do what is in their nature to do thats all.  I don't trust anyone do do anything that I tell them to do just to do what is in their nature.  If I don't trust other people its just because I don't want anything to happen to Helen.  I never tell her what to do or who to do it with I just like to know and want her to be safe.  I never want her to have to find out how dangerous and cold the world can really be.  That doesn't mean that there isn't good and love in the world. It just means that there a a lot of bad people out there and we mush be mindful of everything.

I always have much to think on and these posts are for Helen as much as anyone else.  They help her know what I am thinking and feeling.  But the most important thing is that I love her and as I say again I am not perfect no mater how hard I try.  She just has to help me along the way to be perfect for her.

Tell me anything and I will listen.

My Ideal Boyfriend

Helen's thoughts

Everyone has that ideal perfect lover that they use as a "criteria" or check-off list for picking a partner. I'm no different, so in this thread I'll share what my ideals were, and how Alex comes into play. Keep in mind though that my "ideals" are not only aesthetics that I find pleasing, but a lot of it is shaped by my environment aka my mother, so she gets mentioned a lot, lol.

First, my ideal lover is a man who's taller than me. To me, height was rather important because I feel like I want a man who can "protect me" and such, you know? Plus my mom has always said that shorter men have shorter tempers (not that it's necessarily true, but she's adamant about it). In general though, shorter men have a disadvantage in our society. I remember one study showed that shorter men get paid less than taller men, unfortunately. There's no real reason or rhyme behind why I like taller men, maybe I'm brainwashed? Lol.

Second, my ideal lover has no specific race. Like, when I imagined myself with a lover, I don't really imagine his skin or race. I've never been really particular about it. My mom's very outspoken about this though. She has told me numerous times that I may not date anyone who's Japanese, Korean, Black, Indian, or anything in between. That really only leaves me with Caucasians and Chinese men, lol.
I've asked my mom why I can't date people of those races, too.

  1. For Koreans, she says it's cuz they're still too sexist towards the women, and that Korean women are very exclusive, and that they don't let women of other races mingle with them very easily. She doesn't like Koreans in general.
  2. For the Japanese, she basically said she hates them for attacking Taiwan, so she just doesn't like them
  3. For Indians, she said our cultures are too different or something (and other stereotypes like they smell like curry), and she doesn't like them. 
  4. For Blacks, it's cuz, well, they're black and has way too many negative stereotypes. 
Yup, my mom's pretty much a closet racist (Sorry if any of the above stereotypes offended anyone!). So even though I have no special preference, I've been pretty much brought up to only keep an eye out for white men and Asian men. When I picked Alex, she didn't really have much to bitch about, lol. (She still does ocasionally like to whine about how our cultures don't mix though. At this point I'm pretty much like "Lol ok mom.")
I think lately I like to lean towards white men more than Asian men. I'm afraid I'm becoming more and more white-washed! But really, I'm starting to notice less and less difference between each individual Asian men, it's kinda weird. I blame it on my private Catholic university, where I've only seen like 1 Asian guy in the beginning of the semester, lol. But I'm noticing that white men tend to have so many more characteristics that set them aside from other white men (ie eye color, hair color, nose/cheekbones, body types, etc). Asian men just don't have as many markers that sets them aside from other Asian men. I hope it's not cuz I'm becoming more ignorant or something.

Third, my ideal lover is Christian, or at least isn't completely against Christianity. That was back when I still cared a lot about religion though. Now I'm not really a practicing Christian anymore, as it is evident in a lot of my posts. However, I still agree with a lot of Christian morals and ideals, as evident in some of my other posts. I'm really glad Alex is on the same page as me regarding religion: it's not a breaking point for either one of us. Plus Alex does go to church when I ask him to, so I'm thankful for that. My mom often likes to say that Alex "de-Christianed" me, haha. (To be perfectly clear, I de-Christianed myself)

The next thing on the list is just that my lover has to be funny. Alex is on the same wavelength as me when it comes to what we find funny, which is great. We once read a Yahoo dating tip that says "If you and your lover can't laugh together, you might as well not be dating." So I'm really glad Alex and I can laugh about the same things.

I also want a clever lover. He doesn't necessarily have to be book smart, but he has to have at least common sense, and know how to use his knowledge to his advantage. He has to be able to give comebacks that are not only witty, but not too harsh either. I think Alex is perfect in that regard.

My lover needs to be conversational too. I'm not talking about overly-chatty, but someone who knows what to say and when to say it, and knows when to listen too. Alex is pretty good about this. Sometimes I get bored of his martial arts rants though XP but I listen anyway because I know it's a trade-off for when he has to listen to me rant about things he doesn't care about, haha.

There are also lots of things that dating Alex has taught me about the kind of men I like. For example, we went shopping today because he had a JCP gift card with lots of money on it, and he has decided to spend it all on me (it was about $60, which is a lot for us) While picking out some clothes I was like "Why aren't you more enthusiastic about it?" and he told me that it's shopping for clothes that looks better on the floor anyway, so he doesn't care. But what he does care about is spending time with me, and that's why he took me to the mall. He cares about me so much, and that's a quality I really value.(Ps he wasn't completely unenthusiastic about shopping, because it was his idea to begin with. I just imagined that he would be more enthusiastic about it.)
Alex also taught me that being open and expressive about wants and needs is a rather attractive thing too. I love being able to talk to him about what I want and don't want, or what I like and don't like. It's a sign of trust, and trust is a very attractive thing :]