I was thinking the other day.  And I do think often when my hands are idle.  That we are all slaves. Some people are slaves of the mind, others slaves of the flesh.  We are slaves to debt and consumption. 
So many people need to have more and more and more.  We buy stuff and our lives become filled with stuff.  People have even be reduced to this role with social media, people collect "friends" like they are objects too.

I ask the question.  If you love and are loved, if you are happy, why would you look for anything more?  Would that not be enough?

Things will not make you happy, they really wont.  It doesn't mean they wont make life a bit easier its just that if you are not happy now things won't make it any better.

I am a man of ambition.  I want an education and a good job and to go places in life. But I do not do it to better secure the things in my life.  I want, because I want to better secure the people in my life.  With out loved ones we really have nothing.

My goal in life is love and respect. I am afraid that for many people that is not enough.  It is a shame.

I am lucky to love and be loved and I am thankful to have it for however long I do.  If I am lucky til the end of time.  To my darling Helen, may I only be a slave to your heart and nothing else.

Why I Love Helen So Much!

The ideal girl friend is a myth, just like the ideal boy friend.  I mean what guy wouldn't want a supermodel, millionare, freak.  But as great as it might sound it wouldn't be.  After reading Helen's post I would like to agree with it for the most part. :) "Go, go, ego boost!"  But Even if I do those thing I don't do them perfectly.  I just try my best.   Thats all you can do is give everything that you have and let the lord of hosts decide.

There are so many reasons that I love Helen.  Its not just the fact that she is hot and asian, sometimes I think that she thinks thats the reason. But I am here to set the record straight.  One reason that I love Helen so much is her sweetness. When she tells me how good I look or how I make her so happy I just melt. And on top of that when she is sweet is always surprises me.  And I don't mean that in a bad way like it never happens or anything, it is a good kind if surprise.  On top of that Helen has some fight in her and can give me a hard time which just offers even more contrast to her sweetness and makes it sweeter.  OMG I just realized how white I am. :p  I like sweet and sour. AHHHHHH I will never hear the end of it now.

I also love how dorky Helen can be.  We can trade manga, maybe some hentai, or play mmorpgs and it just feels natural.  Just the other night she was telling me about a new manga she was reading and I could just see her face light up and the excitement in her voice.  I rely on Helen for many things in this department.  When ever there is a new manga or game coming out she sends me a link or makes me try playing it.  I think she knows me pretty well because most of the stuff she picks or thinks that I might like, I end up liking. :)

One weird thing about me is that I am a very hard worker and stick to plans that I make but when it come to little every day things I let them slide.  I guess If I don't see the end goal or I am not sure what I want to do with something then I kinda just stare at it.  Helen makes me think about things and where I want to go in the future.  Helen has a goal and is working twards it and that is very attractive.  It gives me something to aspire towards and makes me want to be a better person. Or at the very least to not be a dead beat and have her leave me for someone better. :p

Another thing that I love about Helen is the fact that she takes care of her self the best she can.  One of my friends, who is married, once told me a story.  His wife and him were talking about some mater or another and were fighting and he ended up telling his wife, "If you don't care and respect yourself then how can you expect others to do the same."  We are both still young and have a lot do learn but I think Helen does her best and makes smart choices because of it.

And the most important reason that I love Helen is because she is more forgetful then I am. :P  Like all the time she will forget our aniversary  or other things along those lines so I can never get in trouble for anything except not reminding her lol.

I really do love Helen so much but we still have a lot to work on.  I can be very dificult to understand and my world views are next to impossible to understand.  Some times she thinks that I am a downer. And maybe I am. But I don't mean to be. I am a very hapy person but sometimes I think it is misunderstood. I just don't see many things as bad or negative. I also don't get very angry or upset most of the time just because whats the point. Its just a thats how life is sorta thing.  Another thing is that I can be "untrustworthy" I am good to my word.  If I say something I do it.  Its just that I don't trust others.  But I do trust others only to do what is in their nature to do thats all.  I don't trust anyone do do anything that I tell them to do just to do what is in their nature.  If I don't trust other people its just because I don't want anything to happen to Helen.  I never tell her what to do or who to do it with I just like to know and want her to be safe.  I never want her to have to find out how dangerous and cold the world can really be.  That doesn't mean that there isn't good and love in the world. It just means that there a a lot of bad people out there and we mush be mindful of everything.

I always have much to think on and these posts are for Helen as much as anyone else.  They help her know what I am thinking and feeling.  But the most important thing is that I love her and as I say again I am not perfect no mater how hard I try.  She just has to help me along the way to be perfect for her.

Tell me anything and I will listen.

My Ideal Boyfriend

Helen's thoughts

Everyone has that ideal perfect lover that they use as a "criteria" or check-off list for picking a partner. I'm no different, so in this thread I'll share what my ideals were, and how Alex comes into play. Keep in mind though that my "ideals" are not only aesthetics that I find pleasing, but a lot of it is shaped by my environment aka my mother, so she gets mentioned a lot, lol.

First, my ideal lover is a man who's taller than me. To me, height was rather important because I feel like I want a man who can "protect me" and such, you know? Plus my mom has always said that shorter men have shorter tempers (not that it's necessarily true, but she's adamant about it). In general though, shorter men have a disadvantage in our society. I remember one study showed that shorter men get paid less than taller men, unfortunately. There's no real reason or rhyme behind why I like taller men, maybe I'm brainwashed? Lol.

Second, my ideal lover has no specific race. Like, when I imagined myself with a lover, I don't really imagine his skin or race. I've never been really particular about it. My mom's very outspoken about this though. She has told me numerous times that I may not date anyone who's Japanese, Korean, Black, Indian, or anything in between. That really only leaves me with Caucasians and Chinese men, lol.
I've asked my mom why I can't date people of those races, too.

  1. For Koreans, she says it's cuz they're still too sexist towards the women, and that Korean women are very exclusive, and that they don't let women of other races mingle with them very easily. She doesn't like Koreans in general.
  2. For the Japanese, she basically said she hates them for attacking Taiwan, so she just doesn't like them
  3. For Indians, she said our cultures are too different or something (and other stereotypes like they smell like curry), and she doesn't like them. 
  4. For Blacks, it's cuz, well, they're black and has way too many negative stereotypes. 
Yup, my mom's pretty much a closet racist (Sorry if any of the above stereotypes offended anyone!). So even though I have no special preference, I've been pretty much brought up to only keep an eye out for white men and Asian men. When I picked Alex, she didn't really have much to bitch about, lol. (She still does ocasionally like to whine about how our cultures don't mix though. At this point I'm pretty much like "Lol ok mom.")
I think lately I like to lean towards white men more than Asian men. I'm afraid I'm becoming more and more white-washed! But really, I'm starting to notice less and less difference between each individual Asian men, it's kinda weird. I blame it on my private Catholic university, where I've only seen like 1 Asian guy in the beginning of the semester, lol. But I'm noticing that white men tend to have so many more characteristics that set them aside from other white men (ie eye color, hair color, nose/cheekbones, body types, etc). Asian men just don't have as many markers that sets them aside from other Asian men. I hope it's not cuz I'm becoming more ignorant or something.

Third, my ideal lover is Christian, or at least isn't completely against Christianity. That was back when I still cared a lot about religion though. Now I'm not really a practicing Christian anymore, as it is evident in a lot of my posts. However, I still agree with a lot of Christian morals and ideals, as evident in some of my other posts. I'm really glad Alex is on the same page as me regarding religion: it's not a breaking point for either one of us. Plus Alex does go to church when I ask him to, so I'm thankful for that. My mom often likes to say that Alex "de-Christianed" me, haha. (To be perfectly clear, I de-Christianed myself)

The next thing on the list is just that my lover has to be funny. Alex is on the same wavelength as me when it comes to what we find funny, which is great. We once read a Yahoo dating tip that says "If you and your lover can't laugh together, you might as well not be dating." So I'm really glad Alex and I can laugh about the same things.

I also want a clever lover. He doesn't necessarily have to be book smart, but he has to have at least common sense, and know how to use his knowledge to his advantage. He has to be able to give comebacks that are not only witty, but not too harsh either. I think Alex is perfect in that regard.

My lover needs to be conversational too. I'm not talking about overly-chatty, but someone who knows what to say and when to say it, and knows when to listen too. Alex is pretty good about this. Sometimes I get bored of his martial arts rants though XP but I listen anyway because I know it's a trade-off for when he has to listen to me rant about things he doesn't care about, haha.

There are also lots of things that dating Alex has taught me about the kind of men I like. For example, we went shopping today because he had a JCP gift card with lots of money on it, and he has decided to spend it all on me (it was about $60, which is a lot for us) While picking out some clothes I was like "Why aren't you more enthusiastic about it?" and he told me that it's shopping for clothes that looks better on the floor anyway, so he doesn't care. But what he does care about is spending time with me, and that's why he took me to the mall. He cares about me so much, and that's a quality I really value.(Ps he wasn't completely unenthusiastic about shopping, because it was his idea to begin with. I just imagined that he would be more enthusiastic about it.)
Alex also taught me that being open and expressive about wants and needs is a rather attractive thing too. I love being able to talk to him about what I want and don't want, or what I like and don't like. It's a sign of trust, and trust is a very attractive thing :]