My Ideal Boyfriend

Helen's thoughts

Everyone has that ideal perfect lover that they use as a "criteria" or check-off list for picking a partner. I'm no different, so in this thread I'll share what my ideals were, and how Alex comes into play. Keep in mind though that my "ideals" are not only aesthetics that I find pleasing, but a lot of it is shaped by my environment aka my mother, so she gets mentioned a lot, lol.

First, my ideal lover is a man who's taller than me. To me, height was rather important because I feel like I want a man who can "protect me" and such, you know? Plus my mom has always said that shorter men have shorter tempers (not that it's necessarily true, but she's adamant about it). In general though, shorter men have a disadvantage in our society. I remember one study showed that shorter men get paid less than taller men, unfortunately. There's no real reason or rhyme behind why I like taller men, maybe I'm brainwashed? Lol.

Second, my ideal lover has no specific race. Like, when I imagined myself with a lover, I don't really imagine his skin or race. I've never been really particular about it. My mom's very outspoken about this though. She has told me numerous times that I may not date anyone who's Japanese, Korean, Black, Indian, or anything in between. That really only leaves me with Caucasians and Chinese men, lol.
I've asked my mom why I can't date people of those races, too.

  1. For Koreans, she says it's cuz they're still too sexist towards the women, and that Korean women are very exclusive, and that they don't let women of other races mingle with them very easily. She doesn't like Koreans in general.
  2. For the Japanese, she basically said she hates them for attacking Taiwan, so she just doesn't like them
  3. For Indians, she said our cultures are too different or something (and other stereotypes like they smell like curry), and she doesn't like them. 
  4. For Blacks, it's cuz, well, they're black and has way too many negative stereotypes. 
Yup, my mom's pretty much a closet racist (Sorry if any of the above stereotypes offended anyone!). So even though I have no special preference, I've been pretty much brought up to only keep an eye out for white men and Asian men. When I picked Alex, she didn't really have much to bitch about, lol. (She still does ocasionally like to whine about how our cultures don't mix though. At this point I'm pretty much like "Lol ok mom.")
I think lately I like to lean towards white men more than Asian men. I'm afraid I'm becoming more and more white-washed! But really, I'm starting to notice less and less difference between each individual Asian men, it's kinda weird. I blame it on my private Catholic university, where I've only seen like 1 Asian guy in the beginning of the semester, lol. But I'm noticing that white men tend to have so many more characteristics that set them aside from other white men (ie eye color, hair color, nose/cheekbones, body types, etc). Asian men just don't have as many markers that sets them aside from other Asian men. I hope it's not cuz I'm becoming more ignorant or something.

Third, my ideal lover is Christian, or at least isn't completely against Christianity. That was back when I still cared a lot about religion though. Now I'm not really a practicing Christian anymore, as it is evident in a lot of my posts. However, I still agree with a lot of Christian morals and ideals, as evident in some of my other posts. I'm really glad Alex is on the same page as me regarding religion: it's not a breaking point for either one of us. Plus Alex does go to church when I ask him to, so I'm thankful for that. My mom often likes to say that Alex "de-Christianed" me, haha. (To be perfectly clear, I de-Christianed myself)

The next thing on the list is just that my lover has to be funny. Alex is on the same wavelength as me when it comes to what we find funny, which is great. We once read a Yahoo dating tip that says "If you and your lover can't laugh together, you might as well not be dating." So I'm really glad Alex and I can laugh about the same things.

I also want a clever lover. He doesn't necessarily have to be book smart, but he has to have at least common sense, and know how to use his knowledge to his advantage. He has to be able to give comebacks that are not only witty, but not too harsh either. I think Alex is perfect in that regard.

My lover needs to be conversational too. I'm not talking about overly-chatty, but someone who knows what to say and when to say it, and knows when to listen too. Alex is pretty good about this. Sometimes I get bored of his martial arts rants though XP but I listen anyway because I know it's a trade-off for when he has to listen to me rant about things he doesn't care about, haha.

There are also lots of things that dating Alex has taught me about the kind of men I like. For example, we went shopping today because he had a JCP gift card with lots of money on it, and he has decided to spend it all on me (it was about $60, which is a lot for us) While picking out some clothes I was like "Why aren't you more enthusiastic about it?" and he told me that it's shopping for clothes that looks better on the floor anyway, so he doesn't care. But what he does care about is spending time with me, and that's why he took me to the mall. He cares about me so much, and that's a quality I really value.(Ps he wasn't completely unenthusiastic about shopping, because it was his idea to begin with. I just imagined that he would be more enthusiastic about it.)
Alex also taught me that being open and expressive about wants and needs is a rather attractive thing too. I love being able to talk to him about what I want and don't want, or what I like and don't like. It's a sign of trust, and trust is a very attractive thing :]


{ Butters } at: January 4, 2011 at 10:17 PM said...

Shorter men with shorter tempers remind me of Tommy from Goodfellas haha. But LOL, your mom's reasoning is pretty funny.

This is a cute post :)

{ Kate } at: January 5, 2011 at 7:28 PM said...

This was a very interesting read. its always good for a person to know what they want. ^_^ you+alex=cute as hell. ^_~

{ HSP } at: January 6, 2011 at 3:32 PM said...

Racist Asians are hilarious. I've heard parents (not just my own) say some terrible but funny shit that just wouldn't sound as funny in English.

I agree with Kate, you and Alex are so cute. Glad to see that you're very happy being with Alex :)

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