What we were like before meeting each other

Helen's perspective

I was 18 when I met Alex. I was a bit of a "fresh meat", what with just graduating high school and not quite knowing what to do in life yet. I was a pretty "homely" girl (still am, really, although I think I've improved a bit). I never went to any of those "wild teen" parties where there was a bunch of drinking, smoking, or sexing. Heck, do those parties even exist in my little sweet town of Naperville? Anyway, most of my time is, admittedly, spent being a nerd. I got pretty good grades as a high school student, and during free time I would spend most of it playing video games. I had people I call friends, but I wasn't like the typical teenager in that most would spend at least every other weekend out with friends. No, I spent most of my time home. It's something I regret now, actually. To this date, I have yet to go to a high school (or college) football game. The only dances in high school I went to was Senior Prom, and Turnabout my Sophomore year. At least the Turnabout my sophomore year was rather fun, because I didn't have to dance with a date specifically (seeing as I had no date), and I got to dance and just be silly with some friends.
Prom was terrible though. My mom wanted me to go "in style", so she found a prom date for me. Augh! He was a really boring guy who was waaaaaaaay too into himself. We didn't really know each other very well either, and it was a bad dancer. The whole thing was awkward as hell. It's one of those things that sometimes make me wish I had known Alex earlier and we could've had fun then. But that's in the past now, and thankfully, that's where it'll stay.
As it is glaringly obvious, my high school life is a bit lacking, so I do what all lonely teenagers do...make friends with random strangers online! I was really into a MMORPG called Ragnarok Online at one point when I was about 13-14. The private server I played on at the time was tiny, only about 20-30 people on at a time, and nearly 2/3 of those people were Brazilian, so the English speaking community was tiny, and we all became familiar with each other.
At one point, I started chatting regularly with a guy named Brandon. For a while, things were good: Brandon and I had mutual feelings for each other, and enjoyed each other's company. It lasted about 3 months, but near the end things took a turn for the worse. Brandon and I started/got involved in a ton of drama. To make a long story short, I was really hurt at the end of it all, what with my raging teenage hormones and fragile emotions. It was a whole year before I was able to let go of all the pain I had with Brandon. It wasn't until I was around 18 that I learned how not to start/get involved in internet drama, lol. (Fun fact: I thoroughly believe that I only stopped having drama because I learned in Psych class that the prefrontal cortex of the brain, which makes sound reasoning and decisions, doesn't fully develop until young adulthood. I'm pretty sure that's how I was able to "see through" all of it. Nothing by my own doing, just literally "grew out of it".)
Needless to say, I never had a "real boyfriend" before Alex. Just online/internet ones. I know that's really pathetic, but in a way, it was good. I never had to give up any real kisses or even sex because they all lived far away from me. I don't regret having any of those internet relationships because they, in part, shaped me into the kind of girlfriend I am now. I learned a lot from those online relationships, but they, too, shall stay in the past.
Another thing that helped me figure out relationships has always just been observing other's relationships. It was fun observing other people and taking notes of their relationship. It allowed me insight without actually getting involved. It also gave me clarity on issues the people involved couldn't see.
Also, I've been raised on Christian values, and right now, I feel like 1st Corinthians chapter 13, verses 4-7 describes my ideal of love the best. In it, it says "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves." I see almost all these qualities of love as described in the verse in my relationship with Alex. I'm extra patient when it comes to him, even though I'm known to be short-tempered otherwise. I'm gently and kind when it comes to him, and I don't feel the need to envy him or boast in front of him to make me feel better. I just feel like being me when it comes to him. I always want to do what I can to protect him, I almost always trust him (I have moments of weaknesses too, lol), and I have the highest hopes for our future together. I preserve in the sense that I seriously feel like if I've never met Alex, I might have committed suicide by now. Whenever the idea of suicide pops into my head now, I tell myself that I can't because I don't want to leave Alex behind, and that we'll get through it because we still have so much to look forward to. (I'm not depressed, but sometimes life is just too tough, and I become weak and think of easy escapes.)
 Right now, I think what Alex and I have is really great. It could use a few changes though...Alex says I use the same jokes too often, hahaha. I'll have a post for that next time. 


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