Confused

Alex's ramblings

The other day something was said to me that did not like very much.  There was no reason for it and the intent behind it I am sure was quite childish.  It reminded me of... DUN DUN DUN high school.  

High school is different for everyone but I think I had a very broad experience.  One thing that I never understood though was how most people in high school had almost no self-respect.  They gave into peer pressure and did drugs and drank.  They would do almost anything to fit in.  The thing that I really didn't like, however, was people and their choice of friends.  Now sure I am a bit guilty of this myself, but I didn't have to put up with too much shit.  I knew this one guy and he would literally be the punching bag for the rest of that group of "friends".  He would be made fun of all the time, and constantly insulted.  Now he would laugh it off and laugh with them while they were laughing at him.  I never understood why he would put up with it.  Now looking back I think I understand.  It has to be low self-esteem.  You feel like shit about yourself and you surround yourself with people that make you feel the same way you feel about your self.  Wrong becomes normal on some level.  I guess I just don't understand why someone would be friends with someone else that just makes fun of them and insults them, sure you may get a laugh out of it, but it is worth it?  I say no.  Now in High school I understand why you might put up with it. Because you have to see and hang out with the same people for 4 years, but after high school or when it come to the internet there is nothing forcing you to interact with these people except for your self.

This got me thinking about relationships, the childish ones and the more mature ones.  I think we would all like to think that high school relationships were the childish ones and college and beyond would be mature relationships but its not always the case.  I look at it from my point of view.  If I ever were to be mean to Helen and make fun of her I would expect her not to put up with it.  If I tried to play games with her head and make her feel unworthy or belittled or jealous for my own reasons I would expect her to drop me like a sack of potatoes. :p  (Helen: Damn right I would!) I like to think she would.  And I would like to think that she would hold others to the same standard that she holds me. :)

Now I have to ask myself would I do the same thing if the roles were reversed.  I would like to think so but who knows.  I always say that I don't play games. Period.  But over the years maybe I have become so good at them I don't ever realize that I am playing them.  Or maybe I just need to work on my own self-esteem. :p  It is actually kinda funny. The only way I think I am different from most people is that I understand why I do what I do.  I still do the same things everyone else does, I just understand why I do it.  Understanding is overrated and it doesn't make thing any easier.  Just because I understand doesn't mean that I like it or am ok with it.  I think that most people don't get that.  Only time will tell and hindsight really is a bitch.